Reality

Breeding dogs is a lifestyle, not a job. I am there 24/7, 365 days and I don't have a day away from my dogs. 

People tell me I have the best job in the world and for the most part I agree. I have 9 wonderful dogs and when everything is going well, it is incredibly special and I feel like I have achieved something big. I get to watch tiny puppies grow, develop and leave as confident individuals who settle easily into their new homes. They bring so much love to their new humans and when their family tells me just how much their puppy means to them, I know I have done a good job. I have to admit, it feels like my heart breaks a little when puppies leave. It hurts. Even though I knew I couldn't keep them, I do a lot with them and the bond gets stronger. They become the centre of my world. When the last puppy's collection day draws near and I realise that the activities will be the last we do together, it is so sad. My heart aches. The moment I walk back into the house and I can't hear the sounds of tiny paws running around, or their little cries when they want attention... I feel lost and a little empty. It would be easy for others to think "but you will have more puppies soon" but you cannot replace a litter or a puppy. I love each and every puppy as an individual and even though they are the same breed, they are very different from one another. 

I feel like my heart heals over time, more so when owners send updates and I can see via photos and videos that my puppy is happy and living a beautiful, enriching life.

Some days are exhausting. The most exhausting time was when I had to handfeed and syringe water into Willow's mouth and as well as bottle feed 7 puppies 24/7. I was all on my own, doing everything as well as making sure the other pack members needs were being met. People told me I must feel so proud of myself.. I was taken aback at first as I realised I didn't feel like that. I was proud of the puppies strength for pulling through and I felt relieved knowing that I helped them. 

I am rarely unwell but when I had a sinus infection and leaning forward hurt.. picking up 40+ poops over a day was not fun. It made me grateful for good health that's for sure. I do not have time to feel poorly and on the rare occasion I am, I feel so proud of how my pack responds. They understand this weaker version of me, they remain nearby, cuddle up to me on the sofa and they seem to be silent and accept the routine changes. 

I wish I weren't a worrier and I wish my brain could be rewired so that I could relax. I think I must worry at every stage. I know my dogs are healthy but I worry that they may not get pregnant. Then I worry about reabsorption. If they lose their appetite, I worry that they aren't getting the nutrition they need. I get prepared for whelping weeks in advance. I disinfect, clean and sterilise the whelping box, essential whelping items and emergency items. I have to be ready for every eventuality to feel mentally prepared. I observe my girls a lot in the weeks leading up to the big day. I like to know what is normal for each of them at each stage, so if anything were to go wrong, I can act as soon as something feels off.

I worry a lot about my girls when I think of what could go wrong during labour. They are my priority and I am glad I have an emergency vet 5 minutes away. I know I should expect deaths as it is bound to happen.. stillborns, deformities and sometimes nature can be cruel but I hope more than anything that I can revive every puppy. 

As puppies develop and gain weight, I feel like that's when I can relax and start to feel excited. I mentally plan their socialisation, our outdoor trips, unique puppy pack items and future playdates. 

Watching my girls enjoy motherhood is a rewarding experience. Watching the other pack members get involved and socialise the puppies well is special every time. 

Socialising puppies, learning from every puppy and litter helps me in many ways. Not only do I gain knowledge every time but I learn more about myself as well. My time management skills surprise me at times, how even with little sleep I can do a lot and my quick thinking in emergency situations surprises me at times.

Astra is due to have her first litter in 5 days. Part of me doesn't think she can last until Saturday but we shall see. Her breathing is different due to the pressure of the puppies, she sleeps a lot and eats a hefty amount of food every day and I will be glad when she can relax with her puppies in the whelping box. 

Despite the amount of worry and pressure I put myself under, I love every day with my dogs. I talk to them all the time, they don't judge me and they respond with trust in their eyes, wet noses and kisses. They enjoy our exercise games, training sessions, walks, off lead time in secure fields, and investigating new places. There have been moments where I have to do something with them and it was only afterwards that I realised how much they must trust me. 

Before Astra's puppies arrived, I wanted to play around with foreground and background bokeh. I set everything up and the pack respond with excitement. They know when I am getting ready to take their photos and they know it ends with a treat. They blew me away with their patience and intelligence when I took these photos. I did one dog at a time, with the others all sitting on the sofa watching. I took videos of them being awesome because even I was impressed. Even though I have taught them all these commands, they didn't have to listen and the treats were actually within their reach.

~ Claire 🐾